The Sights and Noises Of A Refugee: Goodbye.

Al-fatihah to my late grandfather, Haji Karim who passed away on 14th September, 6.30 am Brunei time. He collapsed when he and my grandma, Hjh Rohani went to get his medicine on Monday the 8th. The fall was fatal. The ambulance was there to get him to the Tutong hospital. Everyone in my family who are in Brunei was called to the hospital. The doctors scanned him to see how he was doing, and the doctors found he had brain damage where one side of the brain is bleeding. He had to undergo an operation. The operation was successful but the doctors have to put him in comma so he could heal himself in time. The doctors told my family that his life lies on the screen. But my family believed that his life lies on his willingness to live and in the hands of Allah.

By Sunday, Karim Yahya passed away on 7.01am. Everyone watched as he takes his last breath. He was buried in Tutong. My cousin who was in New York came back today to pay her respects to him. I wonder when will I come home to pray for him.

As you may know, I wasnt there for him. I didnt even know that he was in a serious condition. I was here, having fun when my grandfather was sick. Im ashamed of myself sometimes. But it's just that i did not know he was in serious condition because it was my father's decision not to tell me. Im not blaming him. He made the right one.

MY SIDE OF THE STORY

On that Monday, my father called me about my allowance and all. Then he mention my grandfather was in the hospital. I asked why, he answered, "you know how old people are". That relieved me a bit. As days go by, I still notice my family's nickname when they are online that they are in the hospital. I became curious about his condition. So I asked my brother about it, and he said the same thing as my dad did. I was still having doubts that time. I knew there was something behind it. I asked my aunt and my little cousin about them being in the hospital. And guess what, my little cousin said the same thing too. I know little kids won't lie, but I guess I asked a grown-up girl already. As for my aunt, she went offline straight away probably because she didn't have the heart to lie to me. That's because my father told the whole family not to tell me, and lie to me if necessary. He didnt want me to worry. They were afraid that I would do something drastic like coming home straight away. They know me too well. Should've would've could've.

As on that Sunday, I slept at Sar's place after hanging out with friends, my brother called me at 10.18 am Brisbane. I just woke up at that time. I was shocked. I couldnt imagine him gone. I went to the balcony after a few minutes when I was already thinking right, to shed few tears. I still cry every now and then. I could only pray for him, now that he's already gone.

innalillahiwainailaihirajiun.. semoga roh Allahyarham Haji Abdul Karim bin Yahya dicucuri rahmat dan diberkati Allah dibulan Ramadhan yang suci ini. Ya Allah, ampunilah dosa-dosanya dan masukkanlah dia kedalam golongan orang yang beriman dan bertaqwa. Jauhi lahnya daripada seksaan kubur dan api neraka yang jahanam. Amin.. nenek dut, we will always love you. Al-Fatihah..

Karim Yahya is the greatest man that ever walked on the face of the earth. He raised 7 good children with his lovely wife. All the children are successful. Now that he is gone, only the children can carry his name. He was loved by many. He was respected by many. Everyone loved to have him around. He always visits his children once a month. Thats how caring he is. He drives with my grandma just to see us all instead of us seeing them. He was funny, he loved wrestling and he even loved KFC. He has tons of friends that knew him for who he was and what he had done for them. He even could change the world if he wanted. I guarantee you, he could if he wants to. But he was better things to do like keeping the family close. He kept our family close for many decades. Now, whos gonna keep us close? I hope somewhere, somehow he could still keep us close to him. We all loved him. We all will be missing you.

I seriously couldn't imagine that my grandpa is gone now. The last time I saw him was in the airport when I was leaving for Brisbane. And that was like 7 months ago. Now, i can't see him anymore. At ALL. I just wanna be there for him. I want to tell him how much I loved him. I hope he knows that I do. It means a lot to me if he knows that. He means the whole world to me. Raya or anything special family function wouldnt be the same without him. He lived a great life and his journey has come to an end. He saw my uncle's wedding in March and probably that would have been his last wish. My wish is that I could see him again, one last time. But it's too late now. Only memories of him remain. I feel helpless. Allah loves him more than we all do. I have to accept that. In the holy month of Ramadhan, Im sure that Allah loves him more. Forgive me for all my wrongdoings to you that might have offended you. You know I didn't mean it. I was so naive. I hope you do forgive me.

If you someone that you really care for, let them know, before it's too late. Cause that person would never be there anymore. Life is short, make use of it while we still can.

Goodbye nini Dut. I love you. I really really do. Thank you for keeping us together and taking care of us and being there when we needed someone. I miss you. Al-Fatihah.